Seriously? How Far Can The Drive From Indy to South Dakota Be?

As we left off last blog we were leaving Indy for South Dakota. Some told us to stay in Indy for the night and brave the increasingly unstable atmosphere that was rounding into shape, post Allstate. We were urged by some people to stop in areas along the way or find a hotel and stay there, simple requests that are easier said than done. We wound up going on the road for the entire time, making frequent stops for coffee, food, beverage, or the occasional bathroom brake.

The route is filled with scary looking "Deliverance" type people. Every stereotype you have heard about the Midwest at night, believe it. Believe all of it. (My immediately apologize to anyone offended by that, but when you're from the Northeast, it is creepy here at night). The very first gas station we stopped at was at around 1a.m., on a dark, back road. It seemed fine at the time, seeing as how there was no one around. Until, an old beat up pick up truck, cream colored with a red lining down the side, came rolling in, with an old beat up silver trailer home hooked up to the back of it.

As if the creepy looking truck was bad enough, a skinny, older man, with long flowing locks of beard and mullet got out of the creepy truck, to "gas up his pick up". Christine, who had been sleeping in the front seat, woke up while I was paying for gas inside, made brief eye contact with our mulletted friend and immediately coward back in her seat. At this point in time, I have every stereotype from every movie rummaging through my head, as the back doors to the truck open up and his two sons (I guess), get out of the truck.

One had buzzed hair and a goatee, the other was a fair skinned African American chap, both covered in oil slicks and tattered clothing. (NOTE: It is 1a.m.! Why is anyone wearing oiled clothing at this time? Shouldn't most routine car maintenance be performed during the safety of the daylight hours?) The fact that one was, in movie terms, “the token black guy” did nothing to dispel the fact that this whole thing was a bad movie stereotype playing out with Chris and I as the victims.

Needless to say I gassed up and got the hell out of Dodge, and really didn't stop for a few hours, in fear that the pick up would come rumbling up next to us. With beer cans and glass bottles tossed at our car, and the unsightly men from the gas station screaming and laughing with delight. As night trickled into day time, you really begin to looking around an take in the scenery and appreciate the fact that corn sucks. I hate cornfields. For years I have mocked the scenery on I-95 as being "Concrete and trees." Well "concrete and trees" are 10x better than "concrete and cornfields". Every single cornfield looks exactly the same, and what's worse is that they smell, no, stink like manure. Just awful. Screw corn, and cornfields.

You might remember before we left Indy we has asked people different places we could stop at in Iowa. We were told two places; 1) Mount Rushmore (which isn't in Iowa) and 2) The Corn Palace. Believe it or not, we figured we would skip right over The Corn Palace, until we learned that it isn't actually in Iowa... it is in South Dakota. Meaning that, other than being the birthplace of Slipknot, Iowa has nothing going for it. Signs for The Corn Palace start popping up like South of The Boarder signs that lead the way into Florida.

Needless to say, Christine starts getting amped for The Corn Palace and at worst I figure I can make some smug sarcastic comments and amuse myself and perhaps the people reading the blog later on as well. So we get The Corn Palace exit, drive 3 miles out of the way and we see in front of us a true marvel in corn engineering. It's a building, that they staple corn husks to.

It was terrible. I had a great line for when we walked in.

Me- Hey wait a sec.. what is all this?!?!

Christine- It's The Corn Palace

Me- Wait a sec.. I thought you said, Porn Palace.. It's the only reason I agreed to come.

HAHA.. That old gag. After that there wasn't much of anything. There was no corn, no palace, no royalty, no corn maze, no corn maize. Just pictures on the wall of what The Corn Palace has looked like since it began and a gift shop that took up more room than the actual "Palace". It was so lame I couldn't even make fun of it, because there was nothing to make fun of. I am not sure if this whole "Corn Palace" is legit or just a massive inside joke by South Dakotans to trick outsiders and give them a good laugh later on. This as I have stated before, is just further evidence and reason to hate corn.

Christine was royally pissed about the Corn Palace being such a bust. After stops at Camden Yards, The Great American Ballpark and finally Indianapolis Motor Speedway, this was the first time she decided on what we should do during our trip. More reason men should make all the important decisions. It should also be noted, Christine went ahead and used an advertisement she found for the Corn Palace as kindling to light a fire. Much she will do with me once she reads this paragraph.

By the way, South Dakotans are pleasant people. Generally we have found the majority of them to be over 55. Literally, it seems like 70% of the population has an AARP card. The rest of them are younger (obviously), but for the most part, not very attractively looking people. I guess this makes it the ideal place to Honeymoon.

We had a wonderful shopping experience here as well. A store called the, "County Fair". Old school, local type place. They don't have like, "Bonus Savings Cards" or anything. Instead they have a rather bizarre stamp collecting system, that while described to me, multiple times by someone in the minority age under 55, I still find a cumbersome and confusing savings process.

The best part was that out groceries were then brought out to the car by someone who worked there. This guy more fit in to that +55 majority that I blogged of earlier. He bagged and wheeled all our groceries out to the car and while engaging in friendly conversation he asked where we were from. We replied, "New York" and he immediately responded with, "Oh so you're out here Honeymooning." Apparently he knows better than anyone South Dakota is the premier Honeymoon destination in the Northwest.

The next South Dakota factoid I will put out there and you can do with it what you like. The big gas franchise down here is called, "Kum and Go", and their slogan is, "You're in you're out, it's fast, pay at the pump." Just gonna throw that gem out there. Here is the photo evidence as usual.

When we were finally with in about 40miles of where we needed to be we stopped off at a diner. Doo Wah Ditty's Diner, was the best combo diner/ dive we could find. I ordered the Buffalo Burger with mashed potatoes and Christine had the BLT salad with like Aunt Louie's Special Dressing or something like that. Both meals were delightful. The mashed potatoes came with a legit gravy that really should have been put on top of everything they served; from Christine's BLT Salad to apple pie, this gravy should have some how been involved in the consumption process.

We finally wound up at the camp sight and it is indeed a lovely pond side area. It is kind of strange to go from the screaming and hollering and big boozing from Indy, to the low key, quiet almost desert feel out South Dakota camp ground holds. This camp ground, however, despite the fact, it is quiet and out of the way, over looks a small pond. Which sounds great, until you realize that there are bugs everywhere. Mosquitoes, black flies bees, just bugs that thrive on river life and bile, are everywhere.

While we were here I went into the local gift/ consumer camping store they have on site. I was going to buy an extension cord so we could run the laptop across our camp site and be able to plug it in and blog while seated at the table. So, I am in the store looking around for an extension cord, and while I was doing that another guest walks into the place to check his camper in. I find the cord, turn around abd begin walking to the counter, and do ya know who is checking into the camp site. Willie Nelson.

Now, I am tired. I am on little to any sleep. I have caffeine juicing up any or all functioning senses I have left. But I swear to you, when I looked up there was Willie Nelson at the counter. Willie finishes checking in and while leaving to park his camper grumbles something about playing with Garth Brooks and setting up. I walk up to the counter and look at the woman and ask the big question, "Was that Willie Nelson?" The woman laughed and informed that that was "Almost Willie Nelson" a one man Willie Nelson cover band, who often stays here while on tour. I went looking around and found this article. If I manage to see him around camp again before we leave I will try to get a picture with him and post it later.

Today we leave for The Badlands and we should be able to update from the next couple campsites we are staying at. So expect something later tonight, keep in mind the timezone change. To be honest, we have been walking around here asking people what time it is because we have no clue and it's so close to the time zone boarder, it is messing with our cellphones being able to track what the real time is.